-
And breathe….
I realised that I didn’t do my update on my blog! This week has been a whirlwind since getting my PET scan results because we are travelling the week and I have so much to get ready! Anyway, my PET scan didn’t show anything new and ominous and in the words of my oncologist “It’s very, very good!” which is the best news ever! My husband and I were talking about the differences in how we feel – the waiting zone and the good news zone – it’s literally two separate worlds! That surge of relief and happiness is quickly followed by complete exhaustion from the anxiety! No matter how…
-
But I don’t want to go there…
Where is there? It’s the future, even just a few weeks ahead gives me palpitations. My husband I had a feedback session with my daughter’s psychologist this week. She was talking about Arabella’s schooling and how there’s a good high school called bla bla in bla bla near where we live….it was only chit chat but I secretly sat there wanting to cry. I cannot deal with the future because, I am scared I may not be there and I have worked so hard to live in the present moment, but that doesn’t mean that the future doesn’t pop up though! I had to calm my thoughts and recenter –…
-
What’s stopping you?
I used to live in past and worry about the future all the while missing out on the present. We have heard it before life changing events can change our perspectives and I for one, learnt about gratitude and to focus on today. In fact the future terrifies me now so much that I rarely go into that territory! As for the past, well what can I change? Nothing, so why bother. I have dealt with certain traumas and accepted them for what they are. I am sure on a subconscious level, things still lurk about but I can’t control that. Life has become so much lighter, stress has been…
-
Life as I currently know it
I have not updated in like forever ( I say that on every post!) and they’re always on my Instagram stories so some of you miss them! Quick recap for those who don’t know me that well. I had a recurrence of colon/bowel cancer mets in my liver October 2021. A 3cm lesion was cut out and I went into remission AGAIN! I’m currently on IV Oxaliplatin three weekly. Side effects (I get are neuropathy, nothing cold at all or my digits do all kinds of weird things and my throat closes. Bad nausea and overall exhaustion. I am up and about but I can’t drive until at least day…
-
I was laying on my sofa….
Friday had been a long day, Arabella, my daughter was on on her third day off school with a sore throat and runny nose. Even when she is poorly, she has so much energy and doesn’t understand the concept of rest; she’s six. By the evening, she had fallen asleep next to me on the sofa, she plays with my hair to comfort her; something she has done since a baby and something she has never grown out of. I don’t mind, it also brings me comfort having her so close to me and feeling needed. It is in those quiet moments, when I feel so much unconditional and crazy love…
-
A special message
I just wanted to pop on and send a special message to my friends who are on active treatment or have had treatments/scans delayed, who have had bad news and those who have lost loved ones or are missing someone. I have chatted with several friends over the course of the holidays and while so many are celebrating (rightly so) many people have been scared, sick or broken hearted. These are the people that teach me humility, when I think my life isn’t perfect, one message can bring me back to reality and teach me to appreciate this life. So often I can get swept away with all the things…
-
What can I say?
It’s been a long time since I have felt like writing or doing much of anything to be honest. As you know, I had a recurrence in August this year which required surgery to remove the small lesion (3cm) from the remaining liver. Surgery successfully removed the lesion and I was home after four days. I was recovering well but then started to feel fluish and was waking up with severe headaches. I went over to see Adam, my oncologist and bloods revealed an infection with CRP markers at 239, five being normal. I had a CT of the area, and they found an abscess measuring 5 cm by 7 cm,…
-
Why?
Why? Why? Why? How many times have you asked yourself this question? It’s not an exclusive question to someone who has or has had cancer. If the voice in your head was a real person, you would look at them like they were completely fucking mad! I read that in The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer, a great read by the way. My ‘whys’ used to be so much simpler, although at the time they seemed so significant. Many whys will go away or can be solved by actions, my ‘cancer why’ is forever present. So, when I was diagnosed, I asked myself why? Why me? What did I…
-
Cancer and exercise
So, you had cancer and want to start exercising, this post is a no frills look at the benefits of exercise post cancer. Whether you were fit before or not, makes no difference, cancer came and went, and we have evolved, we are not the same physically or mentally. I say hit that reset button and find the routine that works for you. I got together with Tommy, a colon cancer survivor (read his story here) to give you a glimpse of his workouts and my own, and talk about how exercise helps us cope with those lovely post-cancer issues such as anxiety, depression and muscle loss (there’s a long…
-
Scanxiety
Back in 2009, I was working at a bilingual school in Shanghai. I was working alongside a guy called Craig. He was always reading on his breaks or on the computer learning about various topics. One lunch time, he said ,“There’s no such thing as being bored. There is so much out there for you to learn about, how can you ever be bored? Unless you already know everything!” These words stuck with me ever since. Which is why even if I have certain ways of doing something, or I have ideas, experiences and knowledge about some topics – I can ALWAYS LEARN MORE. So, I reach out the people,…
